Seen and Heard

Heard in the elevator at work:

4 co-workers enter the elevator.

GIRL 1

(to Girl 2)

Where are you running off to?

GIRL 2

I've got a date. A first date.

EVERYONE

Cool.

GIRL1

(to Girl 3)

What about you? Aren't you going somewhere?

GIRL 3

Yes. I am going somewhere, but it's not anything as exciting a first date. I'm getting a masage.

The group ponders her statement. Then GIRL 1, a conservative looking type, breaks the silence.

GIRL 1

Well, at least you know you're gonna get touched a little.

BOY 1

Yes! Isn't that what everyone hopes for on a first date?

(the whole elevator laughs)

Seen on the subway:

A large troll enters the subway and sits down next to me. He has a bag from Wendy's full of hot, smelly, food. He proceeds to first pull out a cheeseburger and eat it in a loud, smacky style, licking his fingers and sucking his teeth all the while. When he's finished, he rolls the wrapper in a ball, grabs the subway's back door handle by his seat, opens and throws his trash out while we are moving.

Then he reaches into his bag, opens another cheeseburger, eats it loudly, and again throws his trash out the back door of the moving train.

Finally he fishes out a chocolate milkshake, sucks it down, smacking and licking, cleaning his fingers as he goes. He throws it in the bag, throws it out the door and sits there continuing to smack his lips, lick his fingers and suck his teeth until we, thankfully, reach my stop.

I contemplated telling him what a foul and inconsiderate litterbug he was right as I jumped off the train, but he was kind of big and clearly brutish, so I just stewed about it all the way home. What a loser.