Wednesday, November 29, 2006

National Lampoon's Moving Adventure

Scene 1.

Fade in.

A house in the suburbs of Houston. A handsome man in his 30s is drinking coffee and talking to his mother - a beautiful, blond woman - and his Aunt - an equally attractive redhead. It is his last day in town before he moves to New York.

Mother
What time is your flight?
Son
In two hours. I just need to put the cat into her carrier, and we can be on our way.
A ruckus from upstairs disturbs the tranquil morning peace.
Mother
What was that?
Son
Oh no! It's the cat!
The son rushes upstairs as fast as he can go. In the bedroom, he hears the hissing and spitting of his beautiful but misunderstood cat Meow, but doesn't see her. A less attractive younger cat darts out the door just as the son walks in.
Mother
What happened? Has she gone mad?
Son
I think the other cat upset Meow and now she's hiding under the bed in a rage!
Gingerly, he reaches under the bed to try to coax her out, but she spits at him like a mountain lion.
Son
This won't be easy. Get me a towel from the bathroom. There's only one thing to do.
Mother
Are you going to wring her neck?
Son
No, i'm going to cover her head with the towel and hope that will disorient her long enough to get her into the crate. But you're gonna have to pull the bed from the wall. It's the only way I can reach her!
His aunt and his mother pull the bed from the wall, and the son throws a towel over her head.
Son
Gotcha! Now, to the airport! My flight leaves in an hour! Hurry!
Scene 2
The family lets the son off at the airport. He carries the cat to the animal check in section. He grins with pride at the new cat carrier he just bought.
Airport Personnel
I'm sorry, sir. You can't use that cat carrier.
Son
But I just bought it and I'm so proud of it!
Airport Personnel
Like I care. Give me your credit card and I will charge you for this 'deluxe' version that is the same size, but I get a kick back.
Son
Ok. Fine.
Scene 3
The son arrives at the airport lugging two large suitcases and the gigantic, overpriced cat carrier. His telephone rings. It is his wife.
Wife
Hi honey!
Son
Hi!
Wife
I have a surprise!
Son
What?
Wife
We are picking you up at the airport! You don't have to take a cab.
Son
Great! I wasn't looking forward to lugging all of this stuff. Where are you!
Wife
We are outside!
Son
I'm outside. Do you see me?
Wife
No. Do you see me?
Son
No.
Wife
What airport are you at?
Son
LaGuardia. What airport are you at?
Wife
Newark.
Son
Sigh.
The End

2 comments:

rembret said...

*smirk* You two should really talk more... :-p

Fara said...

ok so you should chuck amex and be a famous new york writer! you truly have a calling and gald to see you keep your sense of humor!