National Lampoon's Moving Adventure

Scene 1.

Fade in.

A house in the suburbs of Houston. A handsome man in his 30s is drinking coffee and talking to his mother - a beautiful, blond woman - and his Aunt - an equally attractive redhead. It is his last day in town before he moves to New York.

Mother

What time is your flight?

Son

In two hours. I just need to put the cat into her carrier, and we can be on our way.

A ruckus from upstairs disturbs the tranquil morning peace.

Mother

What was that?

Son

Oh no! It's the cat!

The son rushes upstairs as fast as he can go. In the bedroom, he hears the hissing and spitting of his beautiful but misunderstood cat Meow, but doesn't see her. A less attractive younger cat darts out the door just as the son walks in.

Mother

What happened? Has she gone mad?

Son

I think the other cat upset Meow and now she's hiding under the bed in a rage!

Gingerly, he reaches under the bed to try to coax her out, but she spits at him like a mountain lion.

Son

This won't be easy. Get me a towel from the bathroom. There's only one thing to do.

Mother

Are you going to wring her neck?

Son

No, i'm going to cover her head with the towel and hope that will disorient her long enough to get her into the crate. But you're gonna have to pull the bed from the wall. It's the only way I can reach her!

His aunt and his mother pull the bed from the wall, and the son throws a towel over her head.

Son

Gotcha! Now, to the airport! My flight leaves in an hour! Hurry!

Scene 2

The family lets the son off at the airport. He carries the cat to the animal check in section. He grins with pride at the new cat carrier he just bought.

Airport Personnel

I'm sorry, sir. You can't use that cat carrier.

Son

But I just bought it and I'm so proud of it!

Airport Personnel

Like I care. Give me your credit card and I will charge you for this 'deluxe' version that is the same size, but I get a kick back.

Son

Ok. Fine.

Scene 3

The son arrives at the airport lugging two large suitcases and the gigantic, overpriced cat carrier. His telephone rings. It is his wife.

Wife

Hi honey!

Son

Hi!

Wife

I have a surprise!

Son

What?

Wife

We are picking you up at the airport! You don't have to take a cab.

Son

Great! I wasn't looking forward to lugging all of this stuff. Where are you!

Wife

We are outside!

Son

I'm outside. Do you see me?

Wife

No. Do you see me?

Son

No.

Wife

What airport are you at?

Son

LaGuardia. What airport are you at?

Wife

Newark.

Son

Sigh.

The End